Neurodivine

and feelin' fine

Jun 01, 2024

Neurodivine is one of the chapter titles in the book Tilly in Technicolor.. a fascinating read if you think of it.. two neurodiverse people - Tilly with ADHD and Oliver/Ollie with Autism finding their way in life, discovering love, a home and safe space in each other.

I fell in love with the word neurodivine .. it speaks to me more than neurodiversity. If you think of it - a lot of it is embracing who you are and there's divinity in the search and the process of discovering the true authentic you.

I decided to add to my bio and profile. And just be.

These words from the book is a golden treasure and love the real lens of a neurodiverse author.

Tilly in Technicolor - Mazey Eddings

"You make people feel seen," Oliver continues. "You're like a ... prism."
"Like a crystal prism. You absorb the world around you but somehow release this brilliant spectrum of colors through your words that people see themselves in. It's a gift."
… I can deep dive or bounce from topic to topic like a rubber ball and the people around me won't give me weird looks, but keep pace.
Maybe it isn't that I've been bad at conversations my whole life, but that I haven't been having conversations with the right people.
... I want to bare my soul on a page while simultaneously locking away every word that tries to pour out of my heart.

One of my team members asked me how was my long weekend and I had to tell them how irrespective of my grand plans I ended up just staying at home. I could say it was part of my social anxiety because there were two events - foodie land and the carnaval that I wanted to go see, but I just couldn't convince myself to go by myself and be in a crowd and not feel safe. Even the foodie in me lost the fight. I couldn't quite figure out why until I read this book and I looked back at the times when I felt overwhelmed in large crowds.

One was in Singapore when we were out in the evening - it was one of those Sundays where literally everybody is outside. I couldn't wait to get back to the hotel and I had promised myself I would never be in that neighborhood ever again.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons why. Another episode was when I was at a festival in India in my hometown when I could barely breathe and I was so overwhelmed I started crying and my sister helped me to calm down. God bless her, she is my rock. I wish I could be there for her, the way she is for me.

Now, when I think of it, I can see why I react the way I do. I always struggled with noise and loud voices and oftentimes it would shut me down. Sensory overload. I would just mask and shut down. Social anxiety is real and I just came across an app or a course not sure quite what it is - to help with social skills - Jaunty. We'll see what it stands for. I had an intro call and couldn’t resonate. It’s focused on solving the problem with tools without understanding that is not something to be fixed. Even the conversation was off camera which made me question authenticity, trust and credibility. I stumbled upon this for social skills.. I wondered if it can help with my social anxiety.. but not sure..

I attended an in-person workplace leaders event and I couldn't get myself to go talk to people in the beginning at the networking.. but after the panel, once I asked a question in the Q&A, I was able to strike a conversation at the end with folks when they started to connect with me..

It made me realize that when we go to events and conferences, I don't think we take this into factor to accommodate for neurodiverse folks. To create safe spaces and make sure there is a check on the decibel factor. We say we want to be inclusive but I'm sure no one's thinking about this at least as far as I understand.

I always wondered why I would be so exhausted at an event even if all I'm doing is attending the conference. I think I feel better when I am actually participating in the conference as a speaker because then I have a connection with the event and the people organizing the event that it's creates a safe space in a way. A sense of belonging if you will.

This week I was working with my mentee who is preparing to get ready for a tech conference this year and we brainstormed some ideas on how to make this speaking session more engaging and conversational with the audience.

She shared a TED talk that connects the dots about ADHD and public speaking. There is so much we don't know and much of it is our personal perception and how we see the world.

Martha Barnard Rae - why you're wrong about ADHD

ADHD is a term that describes a way of being in the world. It is neither entirely a disorder nor entirely an asset. It is an array of traits specific to a unique kind of mind. It can become a distinct advantage or an abiding curse depending on how it is managed.

In the book Tilly in Technicolor, Oliver is fascinated about colors, shades of Pantone and captures the world through his lens in photography. That reminded me of how photography plays a role in my world and in my healing - to share how I see the world with the focus in capturing flowers, nature, gardens and architecture.

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A post shared by @divmanickam

How it has become important to have plans and schedules to get through the day and how Oliver is overwhelmed when something changes and it takes time to get back to the rhythm.

And all I could think of was - that is so me. I live in my mindful calendar and schedule. Even the weekends are slated in just so I know how my day is going to be. Doesn't mean that everything needs to get done or that it's rigid but it gives me something to work with - to have a flow. Since I came to San Francisco, I have been trying to explore the city and this is giving me things to do within an area and that's usually on my calendar. My friends make fun of me for putting a lunch or dinner on the calendar. But it is who I am. I thrive in structure and discipline - create calm and order from chaos. I love to make sense of the patterns in the mess.

Even at work I need to know what I'm doing in every hour so that I could get work done and plan for the week. That allows me to be organized and stay on top of the projects and tasks.

Fascinating to be honest to uncover the traits of autism and how these are all interwoven into my life.

The hidden gem

It explains probably why I thrive in a portfolio life with doing multiple things from product marketing to mentoring, teaching and speaking in the week is I want to be vs just one of those engagements. When I get really passionate about a topic, I'm all in - whether it's travel, food or well-being.

Probably also why sometimes I get antsy in meetings where it's a one-way broadcast and I prefer a brainstorm and discussion at most times. Not much for small talk but a deep conversation is always worth it.

Now sometimes I make butterfly origami to stay focused in a meeting and not tune not. It helps I think .. this is a more recent discovery, so I'll keep y’all posted.

I completed the 250 color stock and now I'm on to the 500 cherry blossom origami set that I got from Japantown.

I always worried that doing too many things might not be good but I feel like I'm more productive and creative than I ever have been. I'm not one for multitasking but I can get into hyper focus mode with a single task and get it done in a much more efficient way, when I have different things I'm working on. One idea feeds into the other - the cross pollination is one to be researched. My subconscious mind is always processing and compartmentalizing what needs to get done.

That's also why I enjoy my walks because it gives me the quiet time to actually think deep. It helps me find the answers better than just sitting in front of the laptop. I should definitely get back to my walks - I miss it.

It feels like a whole new world has opened up and somehow I'm finding the answers in these books that I read.

A marketing leader had this fun idea for marketing cookies inspired by a fortune cookie. Here is the fortune cookie I shared with his team from my friend’s daughter.

It aligns beautifully with Adam Grant's thought in his book Hidden Potential.. which I just shared with my mentee and dear friend.
Seeking validation is a bottomless pit: the craving for status is never satisfied.
Excellence is more than meeting other people’s expectations. It’s also about living up to your own standards.
Before releasing something into the world, it’s worth turning to one final judge: you. If this was the only work people saw of yours, would you be proud of it?

In the book Hidden Potential, Adam Grant talks about perfectionism and wabi-sabi, the art of honoring the beauty of imperfection.

Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things

I loved the idea of minimum lovable product - to simplify the story, clarify and manage the expectations.

Deliberate play is a structured activity that’s designed to make skill development enjoyable.
Burnout is the emotional exhaustion that accumulates when you’re overloaded, boreout is the emotional deadening you feel when you’re under-stimulated.

Taking breaks has benefits:
time away from practice helps to sustain harmonious passion.
micro-breaks of 5-10 minutes are enough to reduce fatigue and raise energy.
when we work nights and weekends, our interest and enjoyment in our tasks drop.
Breaks unlock fresh ideas.
Your interest keeps the problem active in the back of your mind, and you’re more likely to incubate new ways of framing it and unexpected ways of solving it.
Relaxing is not a waste of time—it’s an investment in well-being.

- Adam Grant, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things

I realized I am and always have been a pattern finder.. from numbers to designs to narratives within different books in different genres from self help and business books to rom com.

Collective intelligence and teams

Build confidence by coaching others. When you’re doubting your ability to overcome an obstacle, instead of seeking advice, try giving advice.
Don’t waste a brain. Recognize that intelligence comes in many forms, and everyone has the potential to excel.
Unearth collective intelligence in teams.
Transform groups into teams. Collective intelligence depends on cohesion—aligning a team around shared responsibility for a meaningful mission.

- Adam Grant, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things

Having read most of Adam Grant's books, this one is definitely on point when you think about hidden potential and creating the work environments to thrive.

The ultimate mark of potential is not the height of the peak you’ve reached,
but the distance you’ve traveled and helped others travel.
- Adam Grant, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things

There are some things I can do and some that I can't and learning the difference between the two is groundbreaking. It gives me so much space and room to do the things that matter and not try to do it all. It's a fight within every day to know the difference and still matter.

If you're living in doubt today about what you can do and how you can make a difference - start by believing in yourself. All it takes is one person to believe in you and that could be just you.

Be your best friend, not your worst critic. I'm rooting for you and always here if you need someone to listen to you and your thoughts.

Here is to discovering the neurodivine within each of us, and
carve out a little space for our own selves in the world that we live in today.
We come in all colors, shapes and sizes - Embrace the true me within!