Focus on open space amidst the trees
When you go skiing and you think you'll hit the tree, then you will hit the tree instead: Focus on the open space.
When you go skiing and you think you'll hit the tree, then you will hit the tree instead: Focus on the open space.
This is the perfect analogy and just what I needed to hear to be able to book my tickets to India. This upcoming trip is going to be interesting since a lot has happened since the last time I was there in March 2020.
I am a new me - a mindful soul, living one day at a time.
I realized that there may be things that I cannot imagine or control.
There may be questions that I cannot answer.
And that's okay. I can create my own sanctuary amidst the chaos. The anxiety is not worth it. I'm going to focus on the open space to visit my parents and my sister.
That's what I'm going to do.
Turn the anxiety into excitement, find the joy amidst it all.
This is easier said than done. I know it's impacting my sleep. My dreams are more vivid and action oriented - as if I am saving some one in trouble, someone who is not able to speak up. Because my fear is that I lose my voice and my identity, when I am in India. It's as if I am living two lives.
As if everything that I have built here in the US is a world of fantasy, a dream come true. I know this is the real, true and authentic me.
And the one that exists when I reach India is: shy, timid and afraid of letting people down. Always afraid to ask and need permission to do anything. I lose my freedom.
I need to break free and breakthrough. This is going to be the real test of my search for happiness and my pursuit of joy.
Our worlds are not that different. Some may say it’s just pure imagination. But maybe there is some truth to it.
Maybe my fears are what keeps me safe? (I am safe and careful. I'm not afraid.)
Maybe I am trying to reason and find an answer to the question: How can a girl look after all by herself? (I can and I am doing wonderful, thank you.)
Life for me is all about challenging the norm and the status quo. I know that the world is full of kind people and you have to know one to be one. I am grateful for all the amazing, compassionate folks I met around the world in the past two years.
I know I struggle with how people and society are in India but that's my fear to fight. When someone raises their voice, my sensitivity is on alert and I become mute.
So, here is what I do best- when I cannot reason with my mind, I write with my heart and soul.
To my fears.
Dear Dragonfly
I was never a fan of being looked down.
I never liked being questioned.
Please don’t raise your voice or tone.
And having to always need a reason of why I did what I did.
Sometimes, it's okay to just let it be. There is peace and harmony amidst it at all.
Yesterday, I was having a lovely conversation with a dear friend. As I shared my new creative outlet with bookmarks fro my self-talk, he noticed the musical note in my signature on the bookmark.
And I shared how I've had that signature in 2014 as part of my send-off photo as Data Diva and on my next adventure with a new job. It’s amazing how some things resurface in life. And I guess I finally found my symphony with my fearless family.
There is magic around us. There is music everywhere. Only, if you are ready to listen.
Break-free and breakthrough.
The story that you have been telling yourself!
The world is a beautiful place. And we are all better because of our vulnerabilities.
Learn to embrace uncertainty.
Open your mind to the green space.
And find the space that feels home and that's all it takes.
Not every day is the same, there will be ups and downs. Some days, I will sleep better and some days, it will be a struggle like this week, and that's okay.
Knowing that life is not a zero-sum game has been the biggest blessing of it all.
Finding the little joys in life. And appreciating everything around me is the only thing that I need - to focus on meaningful work, be fully present and live in the moment. No one knows what tomorrow has in store.
So, let's live today to the fullest. Count me in!
And as in the Alchemist (ureem and themeem guiding the boy), I saw my good omens for the trip. Maktub - It’s written!
A beautiful full moon
A wall in the gym with Indian newsprint (in the past year, this was the first time I saw the text imprint on the wall)